Coming Out… a Mother’s Journey

images-16Almost one year ago exactly my oldest son came out to me before he left home for college.  Me first, his dad a few days later.  I will first say that I had been waiting two or three years for this proclamation.  I knew he was gay but I felt (and still do) this was his journey.  He needed to come out in his own way and in his own time.  His big reveal was naturally met with acceptance and assurance.  We love him and want him to be happy.  Great.  Except… that was it.

Okay, good.  He’s fine.  He knows he’s loved.  We’ll always be there for him.  Can’t wait to meet his first boyfriend (when the time comes)… You get the picture.  Nothing changed really.  All he needed one year ago and right now is to know that we know.  Maybe it will take years (I hope not) for him to share with other family members and friends, but I have to trust that he’ll do what is right for him in his own time.

Here’s the thing… I was selfishly hoping for a bigger role.  I wanted to join PFLAG (picture Debbie Novotny, QAF) and be there if he wanted when he told whoever he wanted to tell.  Every June, I suggest we head to LA or Long Beach to go to Pride.  I could sit in a cafe out of sight and out of the way.  I understand teenagers don’t want to hang out with their parents.  But he isn’t interested in any of that and he hasn’t shared his news with anyone else.  Fine.  I set aside my dreams of joining the local chapter (it’s a long drive anyway) and even marching in a Pride parade (I still want to do that).  It just isn’t his thing.  At least not now.  The timing isn’t right.

I write M/M romance.  Obviously going to Pride parades and soaking in rainbow rays while demanding equal rights matters to me.  Love is one of the purest connections we have as humans.  Love transcends gender, race… you know the spiel.  That is why I have read thousands of romance books and probably why I switched to M/M when I found some wonderful stories that made me stop and take notice.

There is a part of me that selfishly wishes I could show support in a bigger way to one of the people I love the most in this world.  As a  parent, we are so hands on for so many years and then suddenly…we’re not.  We have to trust that the many years under our protection and guidance will lead them to think and act wisely as adults.   It’s frustrating.  But the fact is that he may never want me to be a part of his life in a rainbow sense.

I’ll support quietly for now.  I’ll follow his lead.  Not an easy feat for an admitted control freak, but my part of this journey is as supporting cast.  Not lead.  “Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing.  There is a time for silence.  A time to let people go and hurl themselves into their own destiny…”  (Octavia Butler)

You know the feeling…

Life is about to get busy.  There are way too many things on the calendar in August.  And while most of them are fun, it still feels a little overwhelming.  I like balance in my life.  I hate too much noise but I also hate too quiet a silence.  A calendar filled with an event everyday in the last full month of summer makes me cranky.  Call me crazy.

I just found this great quote from Henri Matisse… “What I dream of is an art of balance, of purity and serenity devoid of troubling or distressing subject matter – a soothing, calming influence on the mind, rather like a good armchair…”  He didn’t add with a good book, chocolate and a glass of wine, but I think that would work well.  Right?Image

Back to the 80s!

I went to see the B-52s last night.  It was a total and complete blast!  X was the opening band which was a surprise to me.  I swear you’d think it was some current hot band (rather than one that’s been around for over three decades) the way we were screaming.  Now I’m sorry I missed the GoGos when they were in town last week.  What is it about the 80s?  Who knows… maybe it’s the trip down memory lane. A moment of nostalgia.  I’m thinking a surprise guest appearance by Billy Idol was the only thing missing…hmm.  What does any of that have to do with writing about hunky m/m?  Nothing, not a thing.  I need a kick.  It’s time to get writing.

New from The Novel Approach Today!

Lane Hayes’ “Better Than Good” Truly Is Better Than Good

“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” ― Allen Saunders

Matt Sullivan is man who knows exactly what he wants from life. He is going to finish law school, work at a law firm, marry a nice girl and have some kids. He has a girlfriend, Kristin, who is more of a convenience than someone he can see spending his life with. Matt is content in his life just the way it is. That is until he tags along with Curt, his gay roommate, to a gay club. While at this club he sees a gorgeous man dancing, and he is blown away.

Aaron Mendez is out and proud, and his light shines brightly. Aaron refuses to hide that light for anyone, no closets for this man. Aaron works in the fashion industry and wants to be a fashion photographer. He is not interested in dating someone in the closet, especially if that someone has a girlfriend. As much as he feels this way with all of his heart, there is just something about Matt that intrigues him.

This book was very refreshing for me. I don’t mind a good “gay-for-you” story. I don’t mind the whole “I am in the closet and NEVER coming out” story. I don’t even mind the jilted woman who makes Kathy Bates look sane, that makes way too many appearances in the genre. This book, however, doesn’t have any of those. There is also no insta-love in this book. Lane Hayes managed to write a character that was completely secure in his sexuality.

Matt has had sexual experiences with a man before, but he chooses to date women because he hasn’t met any man that turned his head enough to come out. These two men meet in October, there is a brief interaction a few weeks later and then no contact until Matt texts Aaron on Thanksgiving. The two don’t truly come together until after the new year. Matt wants to make sure he can be the man Aaron needs before he pursues a relationship.

Once Matt ends his relationship with Kristin he goes full court press on Aaron, but Aaron needs to proceed with caution. He doesn’t want to be hurt if Matt decides he isn’t bi-sexual after all. He has been burned before, and he can’t go through that pain again. I simply adored the slow progression to love in this book. There is a HEA, but it is hard fought. The sex in the book was wonderfully written and their feelings for each other were clear in every scene they shared. In the end Matt has a hard time expressing his emotions, but he gets a little help from Elton John and Aaron’s friends to get his feelings across. I highly recommend this book and I hope to see more from the author.

Reviewed by: Jackie

You can buy Better Than Good here:

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Marie Sexton’s Blog Today!! I’m There (seriously…)!

I’m a HUGE fan of Marie’s work.  I’m sure I’ve read it all.  But I have always had a soft spot for “Strawberries for Dessert”.  There is something so sweet about Cole.  His attitude hiding a layer of vulnerability.  I’m a sucker for multi-layer characters.  No one is a tough guy all the time, right?  If they say they are, they’re full of it.  Perfection is boring.  A dose of whimsy and a little crazy (not too much) makes life interesting.  Anyway… a big thank you to Marie for hosting me today.  Please go check it out!

Better Than Good, by Lane Hayes